poofy knight rita roni
starring rita roni!
text version by goaty goats
chapter one: fabulous secret powers
glowing runes deface the sky as a portal rips open, depositing rita—a plainly dressed fox girl—into the forest. she plummets and lands in a clearing, mussed up but unwounded. with a groan, she rises to her knees, rubbing the dirt from her eyes.
"what the...? where am i?"
she picks up her glasses, carefully setting them on her face. from behind, a voice speaks, "my my! welcome home, my child!"
rita turns to face the speaker, discovering a goat woman clad in flowing robes, her large mane of hair matching her long goat beard.
"i've chosen you!"
rita looks at the goat, confused, but listening intently.
"with the power i grant, you will save my realm!"
rita clasps her hands together. her eyes light up as tears well behind her glasses. "for real?"
"yep! now... transformation sequence!"
the fox glows bright pink, warmth flowing through her body as ribbons of energy flow around her. finally, the spectacle dies down and rita stands triumphant, clad in an intensely frilly outfit, all pink, red, and white—ribbons abound, decorating her thighs, wrists, neck, and waist. a large, poofy skirt reaches down to just above her stockings. she holds her newfound magic wand aloft, the tip glowing bright!
the wisened goat declares, "poofy knight rita roni!"
rita, no longer caught up in the moment, blushes bright!
"what?! why?! so floofy... so frilly..." she whines.
content with her work, the mysterious goat takes a drag from a sleek obsidian cylinder, glowing red at the end. rita turns to her, fidgeting with rosy cheeks, and whines, "why is this so poofy? surely i don't have to wear this!" getting increasingly flustered, she exclaims, "are you smoking weed?!"
the clearly very ancient and powerful goat exhales—thick, pale steam flows forth and enacts a sea change in rita's surroundings. clouds of steam swirl about as the sky goes dark green. suddenly, the massive form of the old goat fills the sky itself, billowing steam giving her an ethereal form as small, glimmering motes drift about. her horns shimmer golden above her head as she speaks with an indescribable grandiosity that shakes the fox to her very core, "Rita."
the now-comparably-minuscule fox quivers, ears back, stammering out, "yeh—yes?"
the goat looms, her words booming through rita's body, "That armor reflects your spirit. All I did was pull it out."
rita looks up, her body relaxing a bit as she listens, tears beginning to well in her eyes.
"The poofiness, the floofiness—every minute detail of this armor reflects who you truly are."
the fox looks down at herself, emotions overwhelming her as tears begin to slide down her face. she ponders the goat's words for what feels like an eternity, barely registering her surroundings' return to their original form.
"and no, i'm vaping. there's a difference, y'see—" the goat's interrupted by the fox, laughing and wiping the tears from her eyes.
"thank you!" the goat responds to her thanks with a questioning hum. "thank you so much!" rita's face is still bright red, but there's a newfound glimmer of happiness about her.
the goat's surprised for a moment, then chuckles and delivers a comforting pat to rita's head. "of course, brave knight," she says, squatting down to be closer to rita's eye level. she rests her hands on the fox's shoulders and explains, "i chose you, rita, because i could see the vast kindness in your heart—the sweet, loving person you are."
the goat spins rita around! "now," she begins, the now-dizzy fox trying to get her wits back. "you've got work to do!"
"huh?" the fox clenches her eyes shut, gives her head a shake, and takes stock of her surroundings. she's surprised to find that in front of her are three monsters! a small, round one, with an oddly charming face and a texture not unlike a water balloon; a large, green one, mostly mouth, glaring angrily; and a long, orange one, with a very strange face!
"namely, fighting monsters!" the goat gives the quivering fox an encouraging pat on the back. "you can do it!"